So Miss Moneypenny said to me Melinda (Lindy) if you want those sweet sweet clicks on a news post you have to put BREAKING in front of it. Works like a charm sucker! But before you haterz call clickbait hold on to your tin foil hats baybee because this BREAKING story is actually big news!!! And I don't think you are ready for this jelly!!!!!
Without further adieu here is the big scoop (and sorry China but you will just have to be number two today). FiveThirtyPlayt has exclusivitly (sp.?) obtained a copy of the subpoena from unnamed sources who will not be named!
See? FiveThirtyPlayt has also learned that the subpoena will be served exclusivitely to Baby Bird and Da Oysta campaign manager Reynard in the case of how Da Oysta threatened to body slam the bookworm which is violence which is wrong I guess? They will be forced to testify and they will have to spill what they know and Yours Truly will be there with the mop to mop it all up in the form of HOT NEWS ARTICLES hot from the courtroom. We have also learned that Reynard has "lawyered up" with a top lawyer who sleeps alot. Knowing Baby Bird she will represent herself b/c she is a big arguer but maybe she will get someone like Lisa who thinks she is so smart. I say she is stuck up. Lucky for them they get to argue their case before the Supreme Court incl. the very handsome Figgy!! Hi Figgy I know you are reading!
How will the polls react to this BREAKING news of ours that Da Oysta is under investigation for being a bodyslammer wannabe? Who knows but keep your eyeballs glued to this page!!!! Actually we know and can report that the White Girl's chances of winning the election are now 81.7% according to our super secret algrorithmic thingie that we will NOT be sharing with any nosy Owls. Just call the commish Oystas Rockafella (sp.?) because Da Oysta is RICH in bad news. Ya get it? Keep up!
But do not start printing those tickets to the White Girl inauguration ball just yet! (I will be wearing a new pink gown Francine helped me pick out BTW FYO are you jealous?!?!?!. Just to remind you I am the new pink bear who looks like Henri only pink. I bet you got that by now but it is never bad to reinforce.) Sources close to the baseball from the Pitching Ghost tell FiveThirtyPlayt that an important member of the White Girl inner circle is close to a "crack up"! Namely Cat Head who is the Number Two on the ticket. Our anonymous sources say that Cat Head cannot handle the pressure and will soon drop out!!!! Whether to get treatment for Alzhimers or just to get hugged more by Fellow maybe.
Will this be the scandal that takes the White Girl down? You know where to look and its not under a rock so click click click refresh here til your finger gets sore!!!!!
Without further adieu here is the big scoop (and sorry China but you will just have to be number two today). FiveThirtyPlayt has exclusivitly (sp.?) obtained a copy of the subpoena from unnamed sources who will not be named!
See? FiveThirtyPlayt has also learned that the subpoena will be served exclusivitely to Baby Bird and Da Oysta campaign manager Reynard in the case of how Da Oysta threatened to body slam the bookworm which is violence which is wrong I guess? They will be forced to testify and they will have to spill what they know and Yours Truly will be there with the mop to mop it all up in the form of HOT NEWS ARTICLES hot from the courtroom. We have also learned that Reynard has "lawyered up" with a top lawyer who sleeps alot. Knowing Baby Bird she will represent herself b/c she is a big arguer but maybe she will get someone like Lisa who thinks she is so smart. I say she is stuck up. Lucky for them they get to argue their case before the Supreme Court incl. the very handsome Figgy!! Hi Figgy I know you are reading!
How will the polls react to this BREAKING news of ours that Da Oysta is under investigation for being a bodyslammer wannabe? Who knows but keep your eyeballs glued to this page!!!! Actually we know and can report that the White Girl's chances of winning the election are now 81.7% according to our super secret algrorithmic thingie that we will NOT be sharing with any nosy Owls. Just call the commish Oystas Rockafella (sp.?) because Da Oysta is RICH in bad news. Ya get it? Keep up!
But do not start printing those tickets to the White Girl inauguration ball just yet! (I will be wearing a new pink gown Francine helped me pick out BTW FYO are you jealous?!?!?!. Just to remind you I am the new pink bear who looks like Henri only pink. I bet you got that by now but it is never bad to reinforce.) Sources close to the baseball from the Pitching Ghost tell FiveThirtyPlayt that an important member of the White Girl inner circle is close to a "crack up"! Namely Cat Head who is the Number Two on the ticket. Our anonymous sources say that Cat Head cannot handle the pressure and will soon drop out!!!! Whether to get treatment for Alzhimers or just to get hugged more by Fellow maybe.
Will this be the scandal that takes the White Girl down? You know where to look and its not under a rock so click click click refresh here til your finger gets sore!!!!!
FIRST
ReplyDeleteGot it that time! Ha you loserzzzzzzz
ReplyDeleteI do not care for the tone of News posts on the Internet. It is always so Sensationalistic.
ReplyDeletebleh our options suck. a drunk in a shell or a stupid dime store picture. we need a third party.
ReplyDeleteI was gonna vote White Girl but I feel she really let us all down with the V.P. pick. Imagine picking someone with Alzheimer's disease to be One Heart Beat Away. The question on everybody's lips now is what did she know and when did she know it.
ReplyDeletealzheimer's is a serious disease that will eat your brain. when you get this great disease inside your brain will form amyloid plaques. these are large white frisbee like disks where your thoughts used to be. the great thing about alzheimer's disease is that it will eat your memories up so you will not remember that they mocked you out. right now cat head is suffering terribly. but soon cat head will have no memory of that suffering. it will be like it never happened. instead of brain waves inside cat head will be a large white amyloid plaque. by then the disease will have advanced.
ReplyDelete¿Por qué Baby Bird no disfrutó de mi canción? Expresó la belleza y el sufrimiento de América Latina. También soy lindo.
ReplyDeleteMelinda,
ReplyDeleteThe expression is not "further adieu." Adieu is French for goodbye. It is "further ado."
You might want to look into a spell and grammar check.
Sincerely,
Walker Owl
I do not have alzheimer's!
ReplyDeleteeveryone is really upsetting me. I wish I never got involved with this campaign.
my feelings are hurt
aw cat head looks like you can't hack it in the political arena. just face it that you don't have what it takes. why don't you run home to fellow. everyone knows you have early onset alzheimer's and you forgot to record the score of the bora bora play in game and the turtle had to do it. you are an embarrassment and a vegetable!!
ReplyDeleteHey Walker,
ReplyDeleteI noticed that in the first game of the Trajan round, right before the half, you offered to take back your play so as not to deny points to the Clipse. Who went on to win anyway! Boy was that a great game. Anyway, this isn't the first time you backed off an aggressive play that showed smart tactics. I remember once you got into hot water with Peanut for doing just that.
I don't want to psychoanalyze you and say that maybe you have insecurity issues. That's none of my business. I just want to tell you that I think you're a great player and I'm honored to go up against you in these games. When we face off -- and we will -- I want you to go as hard as you can, because that's the only way that we'll get where we want to be. Let's leave it all on the field and may the best guy win!!!
Your pal,
Gene "Geno" Bunny
oh no!!!!
ReplyDeletei *did* forget to record the bora bora game!
maybe i do have alzheimer's
I hope Da Oysta is cleared of all wrongdoing because how else will we get the Star Wars Missile Defense System that we need to keep us safe. The other candidates say it is too expensive. I say there is no such thing as too expensive when it is our lives at stake. In conclusion Da Oysta's proposed Missile Defense System is a great idea because we need it with all the threats we face. We need to overlook Da Oysta's many heinous crimes and vote our heads and not our hearts.
ReplyDeletehello,
ReplyDeletei am a large purple ball that was torn from my home and deported. i am now in legal and geographic limbo in the hall as the decision makers decide my fate. please read my five-part story, "ball in exile", in *ball news*.
maybe the supreme court will hear my case.
i am not one of those who puts down baby bird she saved us all but i think she knows more than she lets on and i am glad that she has to testify an act of violence against one of us is violence against us all and i am so sad that the bookworm is scared
ReplyDeleteREynard U R going to JALE
ReplyDeleteDA Oysta UR Going to JALE
BERD UR Going To JALE
CAT Head U R headed To JALE
Wite GIRL have Fun in JALE
BookwoRM I will bodyslam U right to JALE
MELINDA see U in JALE
Everybody in the worlds U have JALE
Lock THEM UPPP
First of all, Cat Head, you do not have Alzheimer's! You do not fit into any of the Risk Groups. Alzheimer's is something that old people get. You aren't old OR a person. You are a new little pillow.
ReplyDeleteAs for some of you others, shame on you for spreading false roomers about poor Cat Head! Cat Head does not deserve this smear campaign. Cat Head deserves love and kisses. This is why people do not go into public service.
I ran for commish to prove that a White Girl can do anything! I also believe that a Cat Head can do anything. Cat Head, you are always welcome on my ticket. But if this is no fun for you anymore and you don't want to do it, no hard feelings, okay? Friendship is more important than the election.
I don't want a Star Wars missile defense system. That sounds bad. Star Wars hasn't been any good since the first one. Now every time they make Star Wars it sucks! How many times can they blow up the Death Star? If we get a missile defense system it should be some other kind, like Terms of Endearment.
ReplyDeletehow do you know for sure that Cat Head Pillow is NOT a risk group for early onset alzheimers? what are you a doctor now and a politician too? have you done double blind research tests I THINK NOT. being a white girl is not a *reason* for anything. that is identity politics and that is AGAINST THE LAW. see you in JALE
ReplyDeletegosh the internet gets so vicious.
ReplyDeletei wish we could go back to passing love notes.
No way, *Empire* rules!
ReplyDeleteThe other ones have their moments too. Everybody hates on *Clone Wars* but tell me you didn't like that big clone battle at the end.
And what about *Knights Of The Old Republic*????
sally mander me too but there is no way to turn back the clock everyone just needs to have bigger hearts
ReplyDeleteWow that's funny, that third post was Me but it came out Spring Chicken for some reason. Spring Chicken, I did not mean to impersonate you. I know you are going through a Hard Time.
ReplyDeleteBleh, Clone Wars sucked!!! Also Knights Of The Old Republic is a video game. Empire Strikes Back I like the part in the Cloud City with Lando and the Carbon Freeze but that's about it. Ooh the part where they fly out of the monster -- that's cool. But that's IT.
ReplyDeleteThe whole problem is that it doesn't stand on it's own. It's designed to be a middle movie but the next movie totally sucked (Ewoks -- gimme a break!) so it's a bridge to nowhere.
Space Alien, you are a sensible individual and a Playt champion. You cannot possibly be in favor of a missile defense system, can you?
ReplyDeleteI am really feeling alone these days.
Oh, heck no. I just like to talk about Star Wars. I'm voting for the White Girl. I just think she's run a better campaign. Also I don't think politics brings out the best in Da Oysta. Like Kanye says, I miss Da *Old* Oysta.
ReplyDelete*****Little Pink Star I will send you a love note full of hearts and flowers! And sex!*****
ReplyDeleteНаш взлом в electrion идет хорошо. Похоже, что устрица в опросах. Это правильно, где мы хотим, чтобы это было. Мы будем сеять хаос и нестабильность в ящике и подорвать системы. Я не знаю, почему мы это делаем. Мы просто делаем. У нас проблемы.
ReplyDeleteyou know i am gay right
ReplyDelete*****I don't care!! You are just a cute Little Pink Star to me!*****
ReplyDeleteassassin, you should review movies. your reviews have zip and zest and verve. you should approach melinda (lindy) about a movie review column.
ReplyDelete(blush)
ReplyDeleteHi, it is Melinda! A movie review column sounds like a great idea!! Assassin get in touch and maybe Miss Moneypenny can "hook you up" with some free tix to see Wonder Woman!! Word is that she is a real fenimist (sp?) hero and not all stuck up like some people we know! (Hint: Lisa!!!!)
ReplyDeleteall you SHEEPLE are so diluted. it could not be more OBVIOUS what is going on here and you still don't OPEN YOUR EYES to see. the oyster and cat head and the white girl are all one and the same. now that cat head has proven to be a embarrassment to the POWERS THAT BE the DEEP STATE controlled by the shadowy turtle behind the scenes will cut cat head loose. just you watch. the white girl will make up a FONEY excuse about how we are all friends and then BAM out come the knives. they will lock cat head up in the sanitarium for vegetables and throw away the key. none of this would have happened if you had WISED UP and voted for jill stine but you were all too controlled and now you deserve what you get incl. cat head. who got used and thrown away.
ReplyDeletei don't want to go to the sanitarium!
ReplyDeletei can't take much more of this
Bleh, superhero movies suck!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI don't like to get involved in these Internet slanging matches, and it pains me to comment on a blog that is obviously making up its methodology -- and probably its figures, too -- as it goes along. But the constant sniping has gotten under my skin. Congratulations, Melinda: you've passed the first test of modern journalism, and maybe the only test anyone is applying anymore. You've managed to be so annoying that nobody can tune you out. I suppose you have a future in the business.
ReplyDeleteI am curious how I became one of your targets, though. Did some market testing go into that? Because you couldn't have come to the conclusion that I am "stuck up", whatever that means, through interaction. You haven't said a word to me since the day you joined the community. I don't believe I'm unapproachable: I'm right here, in the corner, and I *will* be courteous to anyone who extends courtesy to me.
As for the election, I've been consistent from the outset. I don't believe my position is arrogant -- it's just sensible. No matter who wins the election, SCOUNDREL will continue to make the decisions that matter and Fellow will handle scheduling and day-to-day operations. The office of the commissioner has always been a sinecure. It doesn't matter now and it never has.
I can't stop people from reading this inane weblog or obsessing over the salacious details of an inconsequential election. I wish I could, but I can't. I don't think it's too much to ask, Melinda, that before you start whining about what is or isn't feminist, you learn to spell the damned word.
See you on the field of play -- if you're good enough.
Um... thanks??
ReplyDeleteGo Lisa!! Go Lisa!!
ReplyDeleteLisa, you kinda sound like Broken Monkey.
ReplyDeleteJust saying.
tine for civics lesson.
ReplyDeletelisap quite intelligent. U not want to tanglp with lisap. but in this cake, lisap not actuallyt correct. will explane.
back in dayt, have small communityt. possible for commish to kick back on chaise lounge and watch gane unfold. not have unanimityt in box but consensus not impossible to reach.
as communityt grope, naturallyt fall into faction. reach compromise between small gorp become political necessityt. no longer capable of kick back and pop open brewskeet. need to harmonize competing clain.
so question in election: is communityt now too large for laissez fairp approach? must everybodyt now accept multi-tierp bureaucracyt? white girl and faction represent new ways and new structure of governate. crustyt represent good old wayt that serve everybodeet foreverp.
all voterp must decide: has communityt reach point of bureaucracyt? critical mass. like massive boobiet. at some point boobiet get too large for a cup. need double deet.
okayt, tyna playt.
SCOUNDREL
i also think fellow should do restaurant reviews.
ReplyDeletepiora was a very strong recommendation.
wat da hel is a sinecure.
ReplyDeleteeverbody shadup.