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| Armed (with golden scissors) & dangerous!!!!! |
Hello boys and girls and everybody in between! By now you all know where to go for the hottest and juiciest news tit bits. Yes you got it it is right here at Five Thirty Playt with me (Lindy) and also Miss Moneypenny behind the scenes. Just like always we have "the goods" on the powerful and well connected. Such as SCOUNDREL. Yes!!!, two more accusers have stepped forward to tell their stories and let me tell you all that Peanut is not gonna like it! But that's what investivigating journalism is all about -- printing something RED HOT that somebody else wants to keep secret. This was said first by Edward R. Murro or some such guy.
On to the sex dirt which is what you are here for! Five Thirty Playt has ixclusvely (sp.?) learned that Bossy Neighbor Tweet who is head of the neighborhood association of that big neighboring tree has accused U of using dirty language of a filthy sexual nature right out in the street! In public. According to B.N.T. (who is kinda a gasbag, don't say I said so) there are baby peeper birds up in that tree that are now all corrupted. This sexual miscondoct of Peanut has damaged them forever we hear! Yup poor innocent baby peepers are ruined now. If this is not bad enough Five Thirty Playt has heard from one of the classmates of meat at Universityt. Our source behind a big mask tells us that the continuous sexual malfeazanse (sp.) of the SCOUNDREL has created an unsafe learning environment in the classroom. How about that?!?!
Also we learn from Figgy on the Supreme Court (who is very handsome) that SCOUNDREL has still not turned in the homework assignment of self study. Big if true! Instead Peanut spent the holiday playing Portal which is probably a popular game with sex ofenders. Sounds like it huh? Add to this the sexual harrarasment of suicidal Cat Head (sp.?) of beating meat that U has still not really apologized about not to mention a long history of gropes and it all adds up to a PATTERN OF MISCANDUCT. Pscyhologists say that sex ofenders like U show no remorse and keep doing it over and over and over no matter what like they are invinsible. That is because their brains are mush more or less from watching so many pornos. That stuff will melt ya brains kids!!!! Also it is icky so steer clear.
It is only a matter of time before more accusers step forward and one will have the Smoking Gun! Well maybe not but if we tease it you will keep coming back. Sex ofender stories are sooo hot now b/c they are especially heinus. Regardless 78% of those polled agree that if and when Peanut is declared a SEX PREDITOR that SCOUNDREL should resign. Will U survive this scandal? How deep does the corruruption go? When Peanut breaks down in tears on the witness stand rest assured we will be there to cover it from all angles! Check in everyday because IT MAY HAPPEN!!!!?!!!!!
FIRST
ReplyDeletethis is salacious! I want to know more
ReplyDeleteI wonder if Wacko Birdo is involved!
SCOUNDREL step down! Sexual predators must be exposed!
ReplyDeleteexposed. hahahahaha in this context.
ReplyDeletedumb story even for this blog. SCOUNDREL doesn't have anything to resign *from*.
ReplyDeleteIt's true there are scoundrels in office all over. But our SCOUNDREL has never run *for* anything. Our SCOUNDREL runs *away*.
Now I hope you all see the mistake you have made in refusing to get a Star Wars Missile Defense System. With sexual predators running wild we need an Intercontinental Missile to drop on them before they pull down their pants. I feel very unsafe.
ReplyDeleteShame on Da Oysta for promising a Missile Defense System just to get votes. In conclusion a Star Wars Missile Defense System could have gotten us out of this mess we are in.
I'm crushed. U was a personal hero of mine. They always say don't meet your heroes and I guess that is true. I always watched the ganes from afar and loved to see Peanut playt. I suppose I was the fool to imagine that SCOUNDREL was a good guy off the field too. Maybe sometimes they are but sometimes they turn out to be a real creep. That seems to be the case here.
ReplyDeleteIt's like Melinda (Lindy) says: when you're rich and powerful and a well-connected Playt champ you think you can get away with anything. Well, I think there should be an independent persecutor.
i also don't want it to be true but we have to take these charges seriously
ReplyDeletevictims have rights
and need to be heard
must you embarrass me in every one of these threads?
ReplyDeleteWe believe in the presumption of innocence, due process, and the rule of law. We further believe that sexual misconduct has been nebulously defined – especially in the press. We stand by our friend SCOUNDREL and expect U to be cleared of all charges of serious wrongdoing.
ReplyDeleteSincerely,
The Insect Trust
I do not believe it true that SCOUNDREL is a Sex Predator.
ReplyDeleteSCOUNDREL is a Predatory Capitalist.
****Oh no! I wonder if I am a sex predator too!****
ReplyDelete****Because I talk about sex a lot!****
I know what you are saying Shelly, but think this through. Many Predatory Capitalists are sex predators too because the unchecked power goes to their head. Look at Orvil Redenbacher. We should check the "criminal profile" and if it says that sex predators are orange and fuzzy then we will know.
ReplyDeletein society there is predator and then there is prey. we all feel sorry for the prey. but if the predator did not eat the prey it would multiply. soon the land would be overrun by prey. this would be boring and unsanitary. the definition of a predator is the larger animal that eats the meat of the smaller animal. the predator pounces and that is that for the prey. scoundrel does not eat the prey's meat. scoundrel *is* meat. we all know that scoundrel only eats wheat with a little oat and spelt and freekeh and other ancient grains. and a peel paper sugar dot for dessert. this is scoundrel's lunch which i always watch the big turtle pack. therefore scoundrel is ruled out for being a predator of any kind. the sex princess on the other hand i once saw have a chicken mcnugget. so it looks like the sex princess is a sex predator.
ReplyDeletePeanut you were supposed to be my role model!
ReplyDeleteSay it ain't so! Are you a sex predator?
Beats meat!
ReplyDeleteSCOUNDREL
Don't say that, SCOUNDREL. That's how you got in this scrape in the first place.
ReplyDeleteAlso, do your damn homework.
****It's true! I did have a McNugget!!!****
ReplyDelete*****sob*****
Calm down, Sex Princess. No charges have been filed against you.
ReplyDeleteYet.
this is a full scale puritan meltdown.
ReplyDeletei'm disappointed in everybody. and i mean everybody.
Hello, my name is Julia Winkleman but many of you know me as Small Tweet because that is what SCOUNDREL calls me. For those who are new, I am a small birdy who lives in the nest right outside and I am also a Friend of Meat. I know that Judge Mental and perhaps the Supreme Court will say I am biased but I wanted to try to clarify a few things.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I was with SCOUNDREL when Bossy Neighbor Tweet complained. Peanut was not even trying to say a dirty word. What U said was butt cheek. It was an accident and SCOUNDREL was, I believe, trying to say something else. If you know Peanut you know that sometimes the words come out wrong. You have to look at the intention behind the words. In my opinion, Bossy Neighbor Tweet is incapable of interpretation. Bossy Neighbor Tweet is only interested in property values and therefore never looks beyond surface appearances. It would be a sorry world if we all thought and behaved like Bossy Neighbor Tweet.
I am also in SCOUNDREL's class at Universityt. It is Hypnosis 666 with Doctor Disaster. I didn't want to take it but Peanut really wanted to. There is a boy in the class who wears a mask and who is always very mean to U for no reason. I believe that when this boy heard that SCOUNDREL was facing charges for sexual misconduct, he decided to "pile on" and falsely accuse meat. SCOUNDREL does not make the class an unsafe environment. What makes the class an unsafe environment are the giant whirling blades and the death ray.
It hurts my heart to see so many friends of Peanut entertaining the possibility that SCOUNDREL is harmful. U just wants to have fun and play ganes and party with everybodeet. I don't think I have ever met anybody less predatory than meat. Remember that SCOUNDREL has great respect for all forns of lif and that includes YOU. Please, please return the favor.
Sorrowfully,
Small Tweet
you know what was good? the hazelnut in the apple salad.
ReplyDeletei like suzy cupps.
This feels like a big distraction to me. All the headlines on this blog are about a stupid sex scandal. Makes a nice smokescreen, huh, Lindy? Meanwhile, I notice there hasn't been a single word about the legitimacy of the Commissioner. More than a few of us think that election stunk. Some of the biggest names in the box are taking the knee in protest because they want an independent investigation. Why don't you write about that?
ReplyDeleteSomething went really wrong during that election. You know it and I know it. Maybe a proper count would lead us to the same result. But you know what?, I don't think so.
right on, thompson! you go on speaking truth to power.
ReplyDeletewe'll get to the bottom of this. we demand a special counsel!
shadup da bofa ya. you ain getin no speshul counsl. i won by a zilion wich is way too much ta trigur a recount. i got a mandait an i inten ta use it. som things ar gona chainj aroun here. i ain putin up wit no constint cridasisem no mor. an if ya don liek it you try an run for comish somtiem. see wethr you get a zilion. i bet ya don evin get one.
ReplyDeletei just may!
ReplyDeleteI don't want to believe that election fraud is even an outside possibility in our community. I recoil from the very idea of that. Yet no matter what model I try or what algorithm I plug into the computer, I cannot get the numbers to corroborate the official results. I've even intentionally distorted the margin of error to give the Oyster's campaign the benefit of the doubt. No matter what I do, I'm forced to the conclusion that the outcome was mathematically impossible.
ReplyDeleteThere is no possible "silent majority", as Melinda (Lindy) put it in a prior post, that could account for the massive vote disparity between the Oyster and the White Girl. There must be another explanation -- and we cannot rule out the possibility that when we get that explanation, we're not going to like what we learn.
I see you sore losers are at it again. You just can't face the fact that your candidates choked. Who would have thunk it, nobody wanted a drug addict for commissioner or a suicidal wreck for vice commish. When are you going to give it up and realize that Numbers Don't Lie. We all saw it written on the pink piece of paper: one zillion votes. You can't recount your way out of this one.
ReplyDeleteThompson, you have some axe to grind with Da Oysta for mixing you up with your brother. Get over yourself and get a life. That election was long and tedious enough as it was. The more you make us revisit it the less friends you're going to have. As for you, Sabermetric Owl, I notice that your algorithms and formulas weren't much use to you the other night when you were getting your brains beat in by Beulah at Bora Bora. All the computation you're doing isn't getting you anywhere. I've said it before -- maybe you're just bad at math.
Hey, would any of you sex predators like to take me out tomorrow night? I'm sorta at loose ends now that the tournament is over.
ReplyDeleteТеперь более высокая желтая сова на нас. Мы считаем, что он представляет большую угрозу, чем черная кошка и, возможно, даже выдра. Черная кошка не является осведомителем и может быть изолирована. У выдры есть другие дела. Но у совы есть фокус. С ним нужно иметь дело.
ReplyDelete****Oh! I will!****
ReplyDelete****I think we're a nice match!****
I agree with Thompson. How convenient it is for them to persecute SCOUNDREL and turn our attention to a sensationalist hero downfall story when that election smells like rotten eggs. Peanut is no molester. They shouldn't be spending any time on this story.
ReplyDeleteC'mon don't be obtuse. It's downright dumb to pretend there's no possibility of a scandal. SCOUNDREL goes around squeezing people's boobies. Eventually that shit catches up to you. Looks like that's what happened with meat.
ReplyDeletehuh. scary bear turned out to be a SJW.
ReplyDeleteDear Sex Princess,
ReplyDeleteI accept. Also, I concur.
See you tomorrow night.
I'm not a SJW you stupid bug. I'm just tired of all the B.S. Da Oysta won the election fair and square and it's time to move on. SCOUNDREL does a lot of problematic stuff and gets away with it because of connections and charm and what have you. You had a nice run in the tournament so now you think you're hot shit. You've been piping up alot. But 1.) you wouldn't have gotten off the frigging blocks if it wasn't for your wife, and 2.) You still lost. Sit down and be humble for once in your life. Entertain the possibility that nobody wants to hear your opinion on everything.
ReplyDeleteI wish Mastermind Moth & Ball & Chain *had* won the tournament. Not that I'm a big fan or anything. I just think it would have been cool to see somebody in the winner's circle besides the Dream Team or Lisa all the time.
ReplyDeleteYeah. About that.
ReplyDeleteI have something to announce, and, what the heck, I may as well do it here. I'm hanging them up. After three titles, I don't know what else there is to do. This last one really took a lot out of me. You probably remember me face down on the board after a few of those games. That wasn't an act. I was wiped out. That last overnight in the Trajan box was one of the longest and hardest nights I've had since I was minted. I just don't know if I could ever find the fire and desire to go through all of that again.
A lot of those games were exciting. Now that it's over I can appreciate how dramatic they were. But it's been hard to hear so many complaints about us winning, like oh no, these guys again. Even Baby Bird complained, a couple times, which was tough. Call me crazy, but I always thought she respected me. Also I hated that we didn't get to celebrate on the board. That's why I didn't even show up in court. Part of me wanted to lose that case so we could have another chance to win it straight up. Without judges getting involved. But another part of me couldn't bear the thought of another game. Anyway, by the time we got around with the cup presentation, it felt like everybody wanted to be done with it. So maybe I'm just agreeing with the consensus?
It's been the honor of my life to be part of the Dream Team. But there's more to this old Space Alien than on-field competition. I am looking forward to doing other stuff. For instance I like gardening. I'm hoping to do some of that. And I never got very far in Skyrim. Every time I wanted to get back to it, there was a game to prepare for. I haven't even seen Rogue One. Anyway, it'll be a relief not having to worry about the next game or the next tournament. And I guess it'll be a relief for everybody else not to have me as an obstacle anymore. Maybe it'll be good for the whole league. I'll be around, but for now,
So long,
Your friend,
The Space Alien
no!!!
ReplyDeleteNo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis can't be! Can't have Playt without the Space Alien!!!
ReplyDeleteBleagh, Skyrim sucks. Sandbox RPGs blow. It's like they couldn't figure out how to make a story so instead they just let you level up to eternity but for what? And all of the NPCs say the same stuff over and over. Kill the foozle, loot, go up a skill tree. Borrrrring.
ReplyDeleteYou should try something more directed like Grim Fandango.
Please reconsider.
ReplyDeleteLike everybody else, I'm in shock, and I'm hoping that it's not true. But if this is really it for the Space Alien, I just want to say that I don't think there has EVER been a better in-game tactician in the history of the league, and that includes SCOUNDREL. From the time I was a fan, I've been astonished by the Space Alien's ability to adapt to contingency and jump seamlessly from Plans A to B all the way to Z and still win the game. It's amazing if you're just watching it, but it's even scarier when you've got to play against it.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to be the quiet partner. We all know the Space Alien sometimes got lost in the shadow behind Cloten. Sometimes the big turtle would refer to the Dream Team as Cloten, which never made sense to me and sometimes even made me fighting mad. Those who really know Playt will always remember those classic moments when the Space Alien made one of those signature in-game pivots and turned the board inside out. I believe that the reputation of the Space Alien will only grow in stature as we get more distance from the tournaments. Hats off to a Hall of Fame player -- and a Hall of Fame guy, too. Snif.
p.s. Now I regret not dogpiling with the Dream Team after that last game of Trajan. I was just upset that we lost. I wish we'd shown our appreciation right then and there. I guess I'll never have that opportunity again, and that makes me a very sad bunny.
Odds on the Space Alien's replacement in the Dream Team:
ReplyDeleteGeno 1-2
Chloe 3-1
The Tiger 7-2
Sabermetric Owl 10-1
Yellow Bird 14-1
Melinda (Lindy) a zillion to one
Taking money now!
What? No! I have my own team.
ReplyDeleteCloten and Chloe would be a good team. I can see that. Dream Team III!
ReplyDeleteYou're all a little slow on the uptake. It's obviously gonna be Cloten and Lisa. This is their moment to team up. Team Power Couple.
ReplyDeleteoh god cloten and lisa would be the most insufferable team ever.
ReplyDeleteoh noooooo
ReplyDeletewe're fired
lisa is going to leave us behind
this is bad news. on the other hand, I'm glad we're talking about the league and not SCOUNDREL's dumb rape case.
ReplyDeleteEverybody,
ReplyDeleteI won't be teaming up with Lisa. Or the Tiger or anybody else. Me and the Space Alien are more than just partners. The Space Alien is my best buddy forever. We've been through all the highs and lows together. I don't want to share that with anyone new and I don't want to start from scratch. So I'm telling everybody right now: there will never ever be a Dream Team without the Space Alien. If my pal needs a break, we'll take a break. We'll go see Rogue One together. Space Alien, finish up Skyrim and we'll see how you're feeling after you're done. When you feel like riding again, we'll ride again.
And we'll win again!
More Than Just Partners Hahaha -- that means Butt Buddies
ReplyDeletei think the space alien has a butt.
ReplyDeleteit is times like this that i really wish china was around.
ReplyDeletei bet china could make sense of some of this stuff for us. china where are you?
I'm here, and I'm working on it. Making sure to dot the Is and cross the Ts before I put the story out.
ReplyDeleteFor now, I'm telling you again: don't trust this blog. You'll all be hearing from me soon.